A Change Of Plans At Christmas

Over the last few days, we have all been affected by the government guidelines that have been introduced, for the Christmas period. Well made plans, for trips home and family get togethers, for the exchange of gifts, have had to be, cancelled or re-scheduled. Christmas had already been looking very different for the majority, even before the announcement on Saturday night. However, now even more people will spend the festive period either on their own, or catching up with family on the telephone, facetime or zoom. A well known line from a Robert Burns poem comes to mind,

"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry." Sadly, not only have our plans been changed, but we have been left feeling anxious about what the beginning of 2021 will bring.

Four years ago, Calum and I had our Christmas plans unexpectedly changed. Two days before Christmas, our youngest son, Josiah, woke early in the morning not feeling very well. He went on to be really sick for the rest of the day, but by Christmas Eve, seemed to be to be recovering and spent most of the day sleeping on the couch.

As it was Christmas eve, and I was hosting dinner for 19 people, the following day, I was busy making preparations. It was my first time hosting Christmas dinner, so I had lots of lists I was needing to work my way through. Between peeling potatoes, and making soup, we kept a close on Josiah, hoping that after a good rest, he would be well enough to join in on the celebrations, the next day.

Unfortunately, things didn't go to plan. He had a very restless night, and on Christmas morning, we discovered that his abdomen was really hard and distended. As the rest of the kids unwrapped all their presents, Josiah lay across my knee, not even remotely interested. Calum and I looked at each other across the room, silently trying to come up with a new plan. (It was a Sunday morning and I had to convince Calum that he wasn’t going to our church service first, before we got Josiah checked out! 🙈)

We decided the best plan, would be for Calum, to take Josiah down to A&E. I would wait at home, making final dinner preparations, before heading down to the hospital later, to let Calum come home, and spend time with the kids.

I should say, that my Mum wasn’t very well (another thing that hadn't turned out as planned). She’d had a bad infection, and unbeknown to her, started on antibiotics that she was allergic to. At this point, she wasn’t sure if she would make it out of bed, never mind come down for dinner. In normal circumstances she would have taken over dinner, and the kids, so that we could focus on Josiah.

At the hospital, a number of tests were carried out on Josiah. They quickly realised that it was more than just a bad sick bug. After an x-ray of his abdomen, Calum phoned to say they suspected he had a blocked bowel, and were organising an ambulance, to transfer him up to the sick children's Hospital, in Glasgow, a further 30 miles away..

As I tried to keep from panicking, I made a few phone calls, and tried to formulate a plan in my head. My brother and sister in law, literally dropped everything, took over dinner at our house, and looked after the kids until the following day. Something that I will always be grateful for. This allowed us to fully focus on Josiah. I stuffed a few things in my bag, and ran out the door.

Thankfully, I arrived at the hospital, in time to travel up in the ambulance with Josiah, while Calum followed behind. When we arrived at the hospital, the Doctors were there waiting for us with a plan. Having studied his x-rays further, they didn’t think he had a blocked bowel, but instead a ruptured appendix. Further tests were done, and Josiah was prepped for surgery, later on that evening.

Eventually, Josiah went down to theatre. As all the scary, terrifying thoughts flooded my mind, I stroked his head as he fell asleep. I held it together, and went to meet Calum, pushing all those thoughts to the back of my mind. During his surgery, we made a plan to go and explore the hospital, so that I would know my way around, over the next few days.

Not a single vending machine in the hospital sold chocolate!! The one thing I desperately needed, as I waited nervously!! We hadn't had time to think about feeding ourselves all day, and the nursing staff, went above and beyond, as they fed us some of their own christmas supplies!

There was no ‘all is calm or bright’ that night. The wind roared outside, oftentimes sounding that the roof would lift off, while at the same time a storm of emotions raged within.

We wandered round the hospital. It was so eerie, and empty at 11pm on Christmas day. I couldn't rest, until I was back up to the ward, where Josiah had been prior to going to theatre. I didn’t want to miss him arriving back, as they had said he would only be a couple of hours.

As we sat there, and waited, the hands on the clock seemed to stand still. Eventually, the consultant anaesthetist walked into the room, still dressed in his theatre scrubs and cap. The panic rose inside me, as I realised that Josiah wasn’t with him, and that he was in fact there to give us some news.

Josiah was worse than they had anticipated. Something had given them a fright during the surgery. His heart rate was high, his body was under a lot of stress and they had decided that after the surgery, they were going to keep him ventilated, and take him to intensive care. They informed us that we could go down to the waiting room outside intensive care, and they would come and get us, once he had arrived.

The next 4 hours were the longest 4 hours of my life. We let family at home know, and offers were made to come and sit with us, while we waited. Calum and I hate to be an inconvenience to people, so foolishly we said we would be fine, and spent the next few hours, alone and trapped in our own thoughts. Messages started coming through, letting us know that people were praying.

I couldn't pray myself. My thoughts were going far too fast for that. I have always prayed to God regarding the kids, that if one of them were not to trust Him as their saviour, then he would take them when they were young. I would rather the heartache here and now, than the heartache of knowing they’d spend a lost eternity without him. The only thing I remember saying to God that night was, ‘is this it? Is he the one, are you going to take him?’

After what seemed like forever, the surgeon eventually walked into the room. Her face lit up with a smile as she saw us, immediately, telling us that he was ok. They allowed us in briefly to see him, as they explained how the surgery had gone. He was quite septic and they were keeping a close eye on him for shock. Ice packs were placed around his little body, as they tried to bring his temperature under control, something that hadn’t even been an issue until the infection had been disturbed.

The ward, where we had started the night, had called down to say that a couple of beds had been made up for Calum and I, to use until the morning, something that we were so grateful for! A sanctuary where we could gather our thoughts and emotions, as we processed the events of the past 24hrs.

Thankfully, he showed no signs of shock, or any of the other scary things they were observing him for, and by the afternoon he was fairly settled and they took him off the ventilator. Once they were satisfied with him, he was moved to his own wee room, where Calum or I were able to stay over with him, each night.

It was a long week and it all blurs into one. It often felt like 1 step forward and 2 steps back. He was a poor wee lamb, and was completely miserable. We took it in turns to stay over with him. Calum was great at going home, spending time with the rest of the kids, catching up with their stories and playing games. I on the other hand, wanted to go home, sleep and get straight back to the hospital, as soon as possible. I had absolutely nothing left of myself to give them, and I felt so guilty. I’ve never found 6 kids challenging, until then. Trying to meet all their emotional needs, answer their questions and make sure that someone was there to look after them, each day whilst Calum and I were at the hospital, was tough.

I hated driving away from the hospital, leaving my poor wee boy. As I drove past the houses, I would see the christmas decorations in the windows and be reminded, that it was actually, that time of year. I certainly didn’t feel the festive cheer. I would arrive home in the evenings, and try to tidy away a bit more of the evidence, of a Christmas day that we had missed out on.

Home felt so far away, and I just wanted to be back at the hospital. I knew, however, that I was exhausted, and needed to sleep, so that I could cope with it all. I also knew that the rest of the kids needed to see me too. One morning, as I was leaving the house to head back up to Glasgow, a delivery van stopped to drop off some flowers for me. A little note was inside, with some really encouraging words (you know who you are!) My heart soared, as I felt the comfort of someone else's prayers for us. That gesture, made my journey up to hospital so much easier, and I really gained strength from it. All the text messages, facebook comments and messages, were a huge help to Calum and I and I'm sure all those prayers were what helped us through that time. Never underestimate love in action. Regardless of what we all face this Christmas, these small things can have a huge positive impact on people.

On Hogmany, friends that lived near the hospital, invited Calum and the kids to stay over for the new year. This meant, they could pop in and out of the hospital to see Josiah. This was a huge help, and it was such a comfort, knowing they were only going to be 10 mins along the road.

For the 1st time in a week we got to all be together in the one room. The kids were so pleased to see Josiah, and that he was recovering well. It was a time of joy and relief. However, as they were preparing to leave, a nurse arrived to move Josiah and I to a different ward.

We said goodbye, while panic arose and tears began to rise to the surface as I struggled to cope, with this new change of plans. We were moved into a 4 bedded room, and to my dismay the t.v above his bed didn't work, (this was all he had done for the previous week!) This was the final straw that broke the camel's back, and I began to cry and sob, trying my best to hide behind the curtains. I look back now, mortified, I was completely out of control. After a while I eventually calmed down and was able to compose myself. I'm sure the rest of the people in the room, must have thought I'd been given some really bad news. It was the first time I’d really cried all week, and I think I had held myself together for so long, I finally just broke.

Calum, arrived later that evening to save the day, with some amazing home cooked dinner, from my friend. He organised to get Josiah moved to another bed where the t.v. worked, and he decided that he would stay in the hospital, and told me to go and stay with the kids, at our friends. He really was my hero that night! I remember, joking and asking if I should put some makeup on to see if that would help me look better, but he laughed and said it wouldn’t make one bit of difference, I looked awful! 😂

That night, was exactly what I needed and the friendship and change of scenery helped to‘recharge my battery.’ We made it through the next few days without any major mishaps, and we began to enjoy some major milestones with Josiah- giving him a bath, helping him walk and taking him to the playroom.

Eventually, after 10 days in the hospital, we got to take him home and surprise the rest of the kids. He got to unwrap all his presents, that were still sitting under the Christmas tree. Each of us sat there grinning from ear to ear as we watched. A couple of days later we had our Christmas dinner together, on the 6th January. It was not the way we had planned it to be, but we were so thankful.

Ever since that time, I have had no expectations for Christmas day. If we manage to spend it together, have a lovely dinner and some gifts under the tree, then that is more than enough for me! I have learned the hard way, how quickly plans can change.

As I have pondered these thoughts this Christmas, and how the whole nations plans have now been changed, I am reminded of the verse that says;

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps"

Proverbs 16:9

That Christmas, all our plans 'went out the window' as they say. We had no control over what was happening to us. We did however, place our trust in God to see us through. As we plan ahead for the next few weeks and for 2021, what are your plans and does God feature in them? What are you placing your trust in, as you enter 2021?

"Those who trust in the Lord are as secure as Mount Zion; they will not be defeated but will endure forever.'

Psalm 125:1

What about you and I? As our plans are interrupted, Is God trying to get our attention? Is he perhaps wanting us to start 2021, by giving him his rightful place in our lives, in our families and in our communities?

Hope you enjoy this song, it was an encouragement to me, as I played over and over again, as I drove up and down from the hospital.