D.I.Y Cover Up S.O.S

Once our kids returned to school, after their ‘extended’ summer holidays, Calum and I had a list of some odd jobs that needed doing. Up there, at the very top of the list, was to paint the walls in our shower room. It had been badly overused during lockdown and the walls were covered in black mould and dampness 😷. We have three showers in this house, a small electric shower and a shower mixer tap over a bath. However, the shower room is a firm favourite as it’s a large double shower, with a large shower head and the water is nice and forceful. During a normal school week, the other showers have to be used as well in the mornings, no one would be ready in time for work and school, if everyone queued up waiting to use the same shower. But during lockdown, no one had to be anywhere in a hurry, so everyone just used the lovely big shower! There are no windows in there and no radiator either, so it doesn’t take long for the steam and condensation to start. There was many a row during the last few months, as Calum got frustrated at the water running down the walls after some of the kids showers. Alas, because no one was in a hurry to be anywhere, then showers could last as long as they wanted!! 😤

So, a few days ago, Calum looked out the paint that I had bought a while ago and decided he was going to freshen up the shower room and cover up the mould. I had tried washing the walls a few times with bleach, but that didn't really last long. I don’t know why I was surprised, nothing we ever do goes plain sailing the first time, but a wee while after he started, he came down the stairs with ‘that look’ on his face and what looked like, scrunched up paper in his hands. As he had been using the roller to paint over the mould and dampness, the paint underneath bubbled and started to peel off. Like literally, the whole wall of paint, right back to the bare plaster 😩. What we thought was going to be an easy, simple, cover up, wasn’t to be. He scraped all the rest of the paint off and sanded down any loose parts. He’s left it now to dry out a bit, before he decides what to do next!

I’ve been thinking about how we like to cover things up instead of facing our problems. This house has many, ugly, damp corners and Calum likes to cover them up, that way he doesn't need to be reminded about them. We had really draughty floorboards throughout the house too, which we have covered up with nice thick carpets. The problems causing the dampness and the lack of insulation causing the draughts are still there, we’ve just covered them up so we don't need to face them 🙈!

I’m quite good at covering up my own issues. I know I am that typical person, that when I’m asked how I am, my answer is always ‘fine’, regardless of whether I am or not. The thought of being put on the spot and not covering up how I really am, makes me cringe for so many different reasons. Is the person asking really interested? I find it very awkward letting my guard down and I know, I feel the need to always look like I’m holding it all together. Will I be judged for what I have to say? Possibly the hardest of all is, am I able to admit I’ve not been living the way that everyone thinks I am, am I too proud? Or if I can confess it, will I be treated with grace and love? 💗

A few weeks ago, I sat down to do my daily reading and as I began reading my stomach sank as I knew exactly what the chapters were going to be on. This year I have been reading the bible chronologically and as I got to King David my readings have jumped around through different books. At times I didn’t really know where it was going next, but as I read about King David deciding to stay at home, instead of going out to war with his army, I knew the story. As I began reading, I had that feeling of wishing for someone to come along and warn David of the huge mistake he was about to make. You know that feeling you get watching a movie, you think the main character is going to do something really stupid and ruin the whole story. At the last minute, they see sense, or someone warns them and they change their mind and the film ends happily ever after. That's how this story makes me feel, except I know nothing can change the outcome. For those that don’t know the story, it can be found in 2 Samuel 11. David comes across a beautiful woman and sleeps with her, knowing full well that she is the wife of one of his great soldiers. When he realises that she is pregnant with his child, and they can’t hide what has happened from her husband, instead of being honest and confessing his wrong doing, he begins a cover up that ends with the murder of her husband. Once her husband is dead, he then takes her as his own wife. Life goes on and King David thinks he has gotten away with it.

Eventually, David is visited by the prophet Nathan and he is made aware that God knows of his serious crime. Nathan informs him that the child will die as punishment for the wrongs he did. David is distraught, he is a broken man as he repents of the wrongdoing he did.

Covering up sin always costs. It cost David the life of his child. It cost him one of his mighty warriors Uriah, the husband that he had murdered. Uriah was named as one of the 30 great warriors that David had (1Chronicles 11:41) and because of his sin, he murdered him. It cost him his reputation with Joab, the man he used to organise the death of Uriah. It cost him a lot.

I also thought of Achan in Joshua 7. As the children of Israel had gone into battle, they had been instructed by God not to touch any of the riches that they came across while destroying the city of Jericho. However, Achan disobeyed God. He found a nice robe, some silver and gold and was tempted to steal them for himself. He buried the treasure and covered it up with his tent. He might have thought he had gotten away with it, but God knew. It cost the children of Israel their next battle. Lives were lost as a result of Achan's disobedience. In the end it cost Achan his own life and that of his family as they’d kept quiet. Covering up sin always costs.

When I am failing miserably as a wife, a mum and a christian, I can try my best to cover it up. For a while I can fool many people, keep it hidden. For a little while, I might be able to cover it up from Calum. But there is no hiding from God. If I’m silently struggling, he knows. If I’m letting Him down in sin, he knows. On those days where just reading and taking the time to pray seem like a chore, he knows. When an opportunity arises and I deliberately choose to disobey him, he knows. He ALWAYS knows. The most amazing thing about God, is that he is a God of love and he delights in showing mercy.

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.”

Proverbs 28:13

Even when we mess up, God still gives us the opportunity to confess our wrong doing to him. To bring it out into the light. God loves to shine light into our dark secrets and expose them for what they are. Not to ridicule us, force us to live forever in shame or hold it over us for the rest of our lives. But, so that if we confess it, repent of it, turn from it, we can bask in His forgiveness and mercy.

“Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!”

Psalm 31:1-2

When we are open and honest about our sin, instead of covering it up, we find mercy from God. Before lockdown, the choir that I sang in was practicing a new song. The main theme to the song is God’s mercy and I am constantly thrilled at the main lines sung throughout the song:

“My sins they are many, His mercy is more!”

No matter my sin, no matter the amount, God’s mercy is still greater. There is joy and a freedom to be found in being forgiven. Isn't there a saying, confession is good for the soul?

I don’t think there is anything more humbling, than to sit with someone as they pour out their heart in repentance for mistakes they have made. As they cry out to God for forgiveness, who am I to judge them?

Maybe as a christian if I was more willing to sit and cry with someone as they faced up to messes in their life, then there would be less of an inclination to cover up. Perhaps if more of us were open and honest, that we are in fact human and but for the grace of God, capable of anything, then more people would feel less shame and judgement for their mistakes. If we prayed with people more than we talked about them, then just maybe there would be less people walking away from church because it was all too painful for them. As I sat there that day and read through the story of King David, I was brought to tears as I read on into the next chapter. After their child died, David and Bathseba gave birth to another child, Solomon. It says in 2 Samuel 12:24 The Lord loved the child. How gracious of God. In all their past mistakes, he had forgiven them and moved on. They no longer lived under the shame of their sin. God wanted to bless them again.

If God in his love and mercy, is able to forgive and cover up all mistakes, so that he sees them no more. Then surely I must practice the same. How can I cause someone to feel shame when God doesn’t? The bible says that when we confess to God our sins/mistakes/wrongdoings then he removes them as far from us as the east is from the west, Psalm 103:12. How far is that? Well I think the point is, that it is that far, it can’t be measured.

So the next time we are tempted to cover up, let's be honest and express what is in our heart, whether good or bad. If someone is confessing to failure in their life, let’s try to follow God’s example and show grace and love to those that need it.