Hope in 2020

My facebook is filled with many light hearted jokes about 2020; 'can you believe we stayed up on New Years Eve to welcome in 2020?' or 'the biggest waste of money I ever spent, was a 2020 year planner!' I find these amusing and they really reflect how we never ever expected the year to turn out the way it has. Calum and I were just talking the other day about when back in Jan/Feb he spoke at our church family service and mentioned at that time the deaths in china with the virus. Never at that time could we foresee what was coming! However, as funny as these facebook jokes are, for a lot of people 2020 has forced many into tough times.

I'm not the best person to give advice when going through tough times. My automatic reaction always seems to be, to batten down the hatches and protect myself as much as possible. I seem to try and just grit my teeth, put my head down and hope for the best. I usually do this by distracting myself from reality. I do this a lot of different ways, but often I tend to disappear into my head and switch off from everything around me. In my previous blog I told the story of when I crashed my van. The days afterwards I couldn't think on normal life. Calum would come home from work, no dinner was made or even ingredients available to make a dinner, but instead there were various types of freshly baked cookies to over eat 😆😋. (at least we wouldn't starve!)

In hard times, the hardest thing I find to do is a). ask for help or b). Go straight to God with it. I don’t know if it is my personality or genes, but I find it so hard to show my vulnerable side. It either really makes me cringe or I talk myself out of it. I begin to imagine all things that people might be thinking about me, so instead I don't say anything.

I feel like in order to cope, I need to keep a hard exterior on the outside. I know though, that for me, I cannot keep that hard exterior up, and take my problems to God at the same time. The minute I open myself up to God, that exterior comes down and all my feelings and emotions rise to the surface and pour out like a flood. Foolishly I try to protect myself from these emotions by blocking everything out around me, when actually, once I pour my heart out to God in prayer the weight I'm feeling, leaves me.

When I block everything out, I eventually lose all sense of hope. Drowning myself in my problems, only makes me see how big they are and how incapable I am of fixing them. Distracting myself by wasting time makes me numb to everything that is going on, including God and that leaves me feeling empty and hopeless. If only I could recognise when I am doing this, and immediately ask for help or pray to God and not only trust him, but leave things with him on a daily basis. Thankfully I am a working progress and God continues to patiently teach me. I need to remember the promise in Philippians 4:19 "this same God who takes care of me will supply all your need". I don't need to be drowning things out. The bible promises that God is able to meet my needs.

I think most people lately have experienced loss of hope to one degree of another. 2020 hasn't exactly brought much. Over the last few weeks things seem to be getting bleaker and bleaker again. I've heard of many people that are just consumed by the news every day and this reminds me of my kids, permanently plugged into their devices. We seem to have 4 out of 6 kids just now always wandering around the house with earphones in. In the evening,

Calum and I are surrounded by teenagers in the living room, earphones firmly in place. They seem to think it is enough that they are sitting with us and can't understand why we would want anything more!! I think this is what some people are like just now, constantly tuned into covid and the restrictions we face and that must leave them anxious and full of despair. Other people are trying to forget everything that is going on around our nation and are busy distracting themselves in one way or another.

But for some the prospect of winter nights and no household visits leave them with no hope at all. Businesses have been forced to close their doors again. It's an awful situation for an already thinly stretched employer. That dreaded phone phone call from track and trace informing you that you need to isolate yourself for 14 days. My heart honestly goes out to people. For many people this year has changed them in ways they will never be able to say. For some they might feel like they will never know hope again. A favourite bible verse of mine, one that I clung to, during a really tough time as a teenager and I still have it as the wallpaper on my phone is Psalm 27:13/14:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

For those that feel like losing heart, please don't. My hope for 2020 and 2021 does not lie in the Scottish Government or Westminster, my hope is in God. If you turn to God, you can know that hope too.

I am reminded of the story in the bible of the disciples in the boat in the midst of a storm.

Jesus was sound asleep in the boat as they panicked that they were going to die. They woke Jesus and asked him if he cared? Jesus stood up in the boat and calmed the wind and the waves (Mark ch4). For some 2020 feels like a giant storm and it doesn't look like it's going to calm down in the near future. But like the picture says, sometimes God calms the storm, but sometimes he doesn't and instead he calms us and gives us the strength to face it and get through it.

So however 2020 has affected you, God wants you to turn to him and be the hope that you need. Don't be like me when I struggle by distracting myself, ask for help (I'm more than willing to support anyone) but most importantly, pray to God and ask him to help you.