Living in the good of it

Recently, I had been really struggling. It had been a difficult few days and I was tired, disheartened, and just feeling really defeated. During those couple of days, I went through the motions of reading my bible and daily devotional, and then just got on with my day. As I’ve said in the past, I tend to grit my teeth, get my head down and try to make it through the day. I remind myself, of the way a goat, lowers its head in determination and head butts its way through. I asked my sister if she had any pictures of her goats headbutting and she sent me this. I often feel like the larger goat, headbutting my way through each worry, every problem and every negative thought!!

This day in particular, I felt awful. What I really needed, was to take all my worries, all my questions, all my fears to God in prayer, and leave it there. However, I didn’t. I spent the day catching up on lots of housework, washing bed sheets, towels and anything else that looked like it could do with a wash! (my washing machine must have been exhausted by the end of the day) I was just distracting myself as I ‘headbutted’ my way through every thought in my head.

By the time we went to bed, Calum was fed up looking at my strained face 😬. He prayed with me, as he too understood my thoughts. As I listened to him, feeling completely overwhelmed, I just wanted to hide away for the rest of my life in my comfort zone. As he prayed for specific things, I could feel myself recoiling, saying ‘nope, I don't want to care about that anymore', and 'that is way too hard, I’ll never be strong enough, it requires too much of me', 'anyway I’d much rather be happy and live out my life stress free!’ I felt like becoming a hermit and hiding away for the rest of my life! (a bit dramatic I know!) We chatted for a bit, but Calum unfortunately falls asleep the minute his head hits the pillow, so it wasn't long until I was left alone in my thoughts. I began to pray. I eventually poured out to God all my thoughts, struggles and feelings that had built up over the day. As I unburdened myself of them and left them with God, I fell asleep, feeling a sense of peace.

I’m not sure when, but at some point, I woke up with the sound of my own voice going round and round in my head, repeating the same thing over and over again. Eventually, I woke up enough to take in what it was; ‘My God shall supply all your needs,’ were the words I could hear. I remember smiling to myself, feeling a huge sense of relief and taking comfort in the truth of the verse and falling back asleep. As I sat and sipped my coffee in bed in the morning, what happened during the night came back to me.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

I shared with Calum the verse that God had given me, and I got up that day a completely different person. God is such a loving, gracious Father, and I am always humbled when he reveals this to me in a personal way. My confidence that day was not in what I could do for myself, or what Calum could do for me. My confidence was in God and what He can do.

I share this because I now have a choice to make. I can choose to live each day believing this promise, or I can choose to live in fear and be overwhelmed by whatever situation I am facing. God is able to meet all of my needs. Not my wants, but what he knows I need. He can give me the strength, as I wait on him. He can give me the confidence to serve Him. He can give me the peace I need, knowing that behind the scenes he is still God. I know these things and believe them. But there is a difference between knowing it and living in the good of it.

Since the start of this year I have suffered with sciatica. I’ve had awful nerve pain in my left leg, from my knee down to my foot. It often demented me, and I spend many evenings sitting rubbing my leg to get some relief. It got so sore that I was taking painkillers everyday during lockdown.

It was getting to the point where I was going to have to see my GP. I googled the NHS website for their advice on sciatica and they recommended 4 simple stretch exercises, twice a day for 4-6 weeks. I decided to give it a try, and then if I did have to see my GP, I could tell him that I’d already tried the exercises. Sure enough, to my surprise, after the first 2 weeks, I no longer needed to take painkillers. After another week or two, the pain was completely gone. I was so pleased. (Who knew all those stretches that are recommended for you actually work 🙈😁!) However as the pain disappeared, I stopped doing the stretches. For a few weeks I managed pain free, but unsurprisingly, the pain is starting to return again, slowly getting worse and some days I’ve needed painkillers again. Occasionally, when the pain becomes insufferable, I have done the stretches, but not consistently like before. I know that if I want the pain to go away and stay away, then I need to do the stretches every day. But the reality is, there is a big difference between knowing it and actually doing it!

It’s the same with the promise that God gives. I know that he can supply my every need, I just need to live in the good of it everyday. It won’t do me any good waiting until my worries and thoughts become insufferable, before I then take them to God.

I was reading the other day in 2 Kings 19. King Hezekiah was surrounded by the Assyrian army, famous for their victories in battle. As the King was faced with such a dilemma v1 says that King Hezekiah went into the temple of the Lord. He sought the Lord for help. As the Lord answered King Hezekiah, He reassured him not to worry, this situation was all under control. As I read on down, the enemy tried to cause King Hezekiah to doubt God. They said ‘don’t let your God, in whom you trust, deceive you,’ (how often have I heard that voice whispered in my ear!) King Hezekiah is faced again with the hard facts of the terror and power, that the Assyrian army brought. But as I read on I loved what I saw;

“After King Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it, he went up to the Lord’s temple and spread it out before the Lord.”

There was no doubt in his mind who he should listen to. No doubt as to who he could trust with this situation. He laid it all out before the Lord. 💗

As I look back to God's promise to me, my God shall supply all your needs, I need to learn from King Hezekiah's example. The only way God can supply all my needs, is if I let him. I have to take my needs and cares to Him every day. No matter how big or small they are. No matter what doubt the enemy tries to whisper in my ear, I need to spread them out before Him and trust Him with them.

When my children anxiously question Calum and I, on things that they really are too young to worry about, (a big person's problem!) we reassure them, and tell them that is something they don't need to worry about. They can leave it up to us. So it is with God, I am His child and He is my Father. My sister in law recently shared a lovely song and I was gratefully reminded of the thought; 'you are God and I am not!'

I have to choose, I can just ‘know’ that God is the answer, or I can live every day putting it into practice.

(as I limp away from the laptop, sciatic nerve in agony, reminding myself I need to do those stretches!! 😂🙈)