Starting Again

Anybody that has seen Calum recently will have no doubt noticed his beard! 🙈 Whether it has been in photographs on social media, church videos or in real life at work or out walking, you

won't have missed it.

Calum has always hated shaving. Even when we started dating, at 17, he already had a decent growth on him!! Initially, I hated it, and I would try and convince him to shave regularly. As time went on, I stopped nagging so much, and only begged him to shave on ‘special occasions’. Eventually, I just grew used to it and on the rare occasion when he did shave, he looked strange without it. Over the years he has thankfully always kept his beard neat and trim 😂 but I know he has always admired the big bushy beard look!

Lockdown provided that opportunity for him to give it a try! 😱 In fact lockdown provided lots of opportunities for different hair styles in this house!! 😬 I think it was around the end of June he stopped trimming his beard and began to let it grow. At first, he went for the bushy beard, but after a month or so, he decided to go for the handlebar mustache too! He got some tips from his friend, who had also used lockdown to grow a big beard, and after he passed on some of his highly recommended wax, we managed to get it under control.

All was well for a month or so, and Calum enjoyed his new found look! Eventually though, the negatives began to become a problem for him. He didn’t like the time he had to spend shaping his mustache in the morning. It was a bit of a hassle for him. It began to annoy him by tickling his nose, and curling into his mouth when he was eating 😱. (He also got lots of food stuck in it to, and I once found a twig about 3 inches long hiding in it that he hadn't noticed!!) But more than anything, having to wear a face mask for most of the day at work, was hard enough without having to keep a moustache under control!

Eventually, last week, he asked if I could trim his moustache back to normal. I have to confess, and say, I didn't do the best of jobs!! Afterwards, when he looked in the mirror, he wasn’t too impressed that it went higher up on the one side. I’m not sure what I did wrong, but it definitely looked a tad squeegee! He tried his best, and put up with it for a few days, but in the end he decided to give it all a good trim back, and start again. That's one good thing for Calum, he just needs to give it a couple of weeks, and it will be back to being as bushy as ever. It won’t be the first time he's done that. In the past he has completely shaved it all off, so that he can start afresh.

It got me thinking, of how often we get a clean sheet, and start all over again. We like to turn over a new leaf, at new year, and make resolutions, that we try to keep for as long as possible. I don’t know how many times I’ve fallen off my healthy diet this year. I eventually decide, right, this is it, Monday, I’m starting all over again, afresh. Even with my fitness, I manage to keep up my workouts for so long, then something gets in the way, and before I know it, I feel like I’m starting all over again!

There have often been times to, spiritually, where I get to a point that I feel like I’m having to start all over again. There has been a time of barreness in my spiritual life, when I’ve really neglected any meaningful, quality time with God. In the past, this could have lasted a long time, if I’m really honest. Other times, it’s maybe just been that I’ve knowingly disobeyed God, and I know I need to repent of that, before I can come again to God. That has maybe been something that I’ve wrestled with, over a few days.

I’m sure, if we are all honest, most of us have experienced this to one degree or another.

I used to believe that I couldn’t just return to God immediately, ask for His forgiveness and start again. I was always plagued by this idea that I had to do better first. I had to prove how good I was, and that I had changed first, before I could confess where I had gone wrong, and enjoy that relationship once again, with God. If I was convicted that I had wronged God in some way, then I held off reading and praying, because I felt that I needed to prove to God how sorry I was first. If I’d really neglected, nurturing my relationship with God for a long time, then again, I was put off seeking God because ‘well who am I to go to Him’. I would need to change my attitude, spend quality time trying to repair my relationship with God, and then I would be accepted again by Him. This often led to feeling like what was the point in even trying in the first place. If I 'got right' again spiritually then surely it wasn't going to be too long before I was going to end up back in that pit of apathy. My christian life felt like one step forward, two steps backwards.

Sadly I have to say this cycle went on and on for years.

I don’t remember when, but at some point I came to realise and enjoy the truth of 1 John 1:9:

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness."

Since then, when I know I’ve failed God or been neglectful of my relationship with Him, I go to God. I tell Him I’m sorry, I speak to Him about it and I START AFRESH!! There is no trial period where I need to prove myself to him. I can immediately start again. Not that I am saying that I have to become a Christian all over again, start from square one, rather, that I can start again, from where I left off. Like Calum, when he completely shaved all his beard off and started from nothing, I’m not doing that. God is faithful and true to his word and forgives me! The bible says that when I confess my sin to God, he remembers them no more. God does not require me to try harder first. So why should !?

Gone is that feeling that I have to try harder. Gone is that weight of inadequacy. Gone is the burden of constantly being a failure. Immediately, I get to enjoy that loving relationship with God.

This is not only true for Christians. This is true also for those that don’t have a personal relationship with God. Many believe they have to turn over a new leaf first before they can become a christian. That they need to live good lives or attend a church for a while and prove themselves to be good enough. Due to this attitude, some give up before they have even started. They are weighed down by the same feelings of inadequacy, and need to try harder. But the reality is, all the work was already carried out at the cross of Calvary. When Jesus died he bore the punishment for the sin of the whole world. The bible says ‘ believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved’. That's all you need to do, and when you begin that personal relationship with God, he transforms you, and does all that work for you, in making you the person He wants you to be.