The Over-thinker

My mind can be a bit of a roller coaster at times. Growing up I always had a very vivid imagination. At school, I was told that was a good thing. It helped for story writing, drawing pictures and playing with toys. It wasn’t always so good when dark shadows loomed as i made my way to the bathroom at night. One night I remember waking my parents because someone was shining a torch in my bedroom window. There was panic as my Dad checked around the house and garden but I think they both came to the conclusion I’d imagined it! Some days I would take my dog a walk away down through the fields and into the woods, exploring the countryside. Nothing scary ever crossed my mind, but at night as I would lie awake, my mind would begin to imagine all kinds of things that could have happened to me and I’d lie there in a cold sweat. Funnily, one of my sons has the same trait, and we now laugh together as we discuss our thoughts. During lock-down we have gone on a few adventurous walks as a family (my dad would argue they were very risky) and I wind him up asking him if he’ll over think this part of the walk in bed at night, imagining what could have gone wrong.

As I have gotten older, I have become increasingly guilty of over-thinking everything- and I mean everything!!. Sadly, my thoughts have changed more into a negative way of thinking and I’ve often found these very difficult to control. I remember this during a particularly bad phase, Calum and I had to use two cars to go to church, as I would arrive later with the smaller kids. I used to hate driving home at the same time as him as my mind would run away with me and I used to think ‘what if Calum were to crash his car here in front of me? What would I do? Who would I run to help first?’ Before I knew it a tear would be running down my cheek as this scenario was playing out in my head. A thought that wasn’t even true was provoking this reaction!

Other times I have worried that people are ‘distant’ towards me. I tell myself that must mean they have an issue of some sort with me and then the next thing I know I have imagined a whole conversation where this has been confirmed. Usually I am physically left feeling like it actually happened. I remember sharing a meme with Calum about a woman that was a superhero called Anxiety Girl, her super power was being able to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound! We laughed, as that was definitely me.

As my thoughts have run wild about sharing my blogs I have been forced to keep reminding myself of this verse in Philippians Ch4 v 8 :

'Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure,

and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy

Of praise.'

I discussed this verse with a friend, she pointed me in the direction of an online message she had been listening to. Fix your thoughts on what is true, what is real. That's it! My problem is, the thoughts that quite often consume me aren't even real. I let myself imagine lies and allow the devil to use them to destroy the peace that God has given me. At the minute I am looking through my bible and reminding myself of what God says about me. What truths are in there for me to concentrate on, instead of what my mind is telling me. This is still ongoing, sometimes it takes me a while to believe Him.

---

If you aren’t that familiar with the bible then I want to remind you of some great truths found in the bible that are for everyone. Words that are true and are what we should build our life on. Not what we think or imagine in our minds about life.

The first has to be the well known verse John 3:16

‘For God loved the world so much that he gave His one

and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will

Not perish but have eternal life.’

God loves you, God loves me. I think that is one of the greatest truths in the bible. You might think that is well and good for you to say that Ruth, but you don't know my life and I certainly don’t feel like God loves me. You may feel like that, and I am aware that I might never experience some of the awful circumstances that people go through, but I do know that feelings can’t be trusted. Do you ever wonder what your purpose is here on earth? Do you ever wonder if there is more to life? The answer to these questions is- God. He created us to have a relationship with Him. But God didn't want to create people that had no other choice than to follow Him. It wouldn't be very real to Him if we were forced into it. Have you ever forced a child to apologise to someone? It's a regular occurrence in this house. It is the most insincere thing I’ve ever heard. You can just tell it wasn’t meant at all. But when one of my kids apologises through their own choice, well that makes all the difference to the person receiving the apology. It’s the same with God, He has given us a choice, to follow or not to follow. For Adam and Eve they chose to follow their own will and through this choice the bible says that sin became part of us all. This sin is what stops us from having that relationship with God that He created us for. But God had a plan. The bible says that not only does God love you, but that He loves you so much, He gave His only Son to die on a cross for all that sin in your life. He did this so that if you and I believe in Him, then we can have eternal life, starting right now.

‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the father

except through me.’ John 14:6

Here is another truth from the bible. Jesus said, He is the way, the truth and the life. He is the only way to restore your relationship with God. Not good works, going to church every Sunday or keeping as many rules in the bible that you can. The only way is by believing that Jesus died on that cross, taking the punishment for all the wrong things that you have done (sin) and asking Him to forgive you.

‘I tell you the truth all sin and blasphemy can be forgiven’

Mark 3:28

This truth reminds me that there is nothing that anyone can do that God cannot forgive. It's back to those feelings again, that like to make us think we will never be good enough. God could never forgive what I’ve done wrong. Well, here is a truth to remind yourself of when you feel like that, ALL sin can be forgiven.

Or maybe you feel like you have nothing to be forgiven for. Maybe you feel like you live a good life, you try your best, be a good neighbour, give your best for other people. Well the bible says in Romans 3:23 ‘ALL have sinned’. There is no exception clause.

‘I tell you the truth, those who listen to my message and believe in God

who sent me have eternal life.'

John 5:24

Here is another truth, If you listen to God's message in John 3:16 and believe it, God promises to give you eternal life. He promises you a living relationship with Him, starting right now, and an eternity with Him in Heaven. He doesn't promise an easy life, without trials and difficulties. He does promise to be with us and help us through them.

Lastly it says in John 8:32:

‘And you will know the truth, and the truth

will set you free.’

I love this one and I know exactly what it means to be set free. When I’m struggling and fixating on my negative thoughts, I can compare those thoughts with what is true. Has Calum crashed his car in front of me? Have I actually heard someone say that they have an issue with me? No! As those truth's wash over my mind, I am free. That weight has been lifted. So it is with God’s word, the bible. As these truths become real in your life, that burden of sin is lifted and the questions of life are answered. You experience a freedom that you have never known before. Feelings can’t be trusted but Truth can.