What if?

I’ve been struggling to write this blog, over the last week or two. If I'm honest, I really don’t want to sound doom and gloom, and I’m definitely not trying to make anyone feel worse about the year ahead. Most

people expect some positive comments, to help them look ahead, at the year they have just started. However, over the last 10 days or so, I haven’t really been anticipating the new year with great expectation. (that was even before Nicola's announcement!)

As the new tighter restrictions were announced, I sighed, and moaned at Calum, as I read that supermarkets were going back to the strict 2 meter rule. This, would once again mean, queues outside supermarkets, strict one way systems, and waiting at the end of an aisle for people to move along, before you can just walk up to get the item that you are needing. I know, I know, in light of all the other restrictions that we are facing, this is so trivial and nothing major, but I really hate it. I hate, having to wait. I hate, not being able to jump out of my car, run into the supermarket, quickly grab whatever I need, and be back on the road home, without having to give it a second thought.

I’m not very patient in this area of waiting and this really tests my patience! I’ve discovered I’m also not very good at waiting on God.

As I’ve looked ahead to 2021, I have seen and heard many comments that 2021 will be a better year. On New Year’s Eve, social media was filled with posts that said they were glad to see the back of 2020, and people were celebrating all that 2021 was going to bring. We prayed as a church, acknowledging that 2020 was a year of loss for us, and that in 2021 we would experience a year of ‘addition’ instead of loss. A year where we would see prayers answered. A year of revival, restoration, rejoicing.

But as the New Year approached I couldn’t shake the thought, ‘what if it’s not?’ What if it’s another year of waiting on God?

What if it’s not a year of revival, restoration or rejoicing? What if we don’t see prayers, that we have agonised over, answered? What if we experience more loss? What if it’s a year, where the only thing I have in my life to get me through, is God? I know, as Christians, we say we only rely on God to see us through, but I know for me that often isn’t always the case. I often rely on the positives of everyday life, relationships, and times of encouragement to keep me going. But what if 2021 is a year that is lacking in these experiences for me?

As I’ve thought about this, I’ve been forced to ask myself, is my relationship with God, enough to get me through the year?

I read in a daily devotional, a few days ago and it said, sometimes God will let you reach the end of your rope in order to show you that when you’ve nothing left but him, he’s all you need! Again I couldn’t help but think, what if God is taking me there?

God, often takes us through these times of waiting, so that we can know him in a way that we have never known him before. I believe, that there are certain lessons that can only be learned, during such times. Some changes can only be made to an individual through such experiences. Painful as it may be, their value, I believe, we will never fully know.

The other evening, Calum and I, went a walk along the river path not far from our house. As we left the street lights behind, and walked out into the countryside, we were completely mesmerised by the starry sky. We even managed to see a few shooting stars. While I was telling my friend about our walk, and also my solemn thoughts for 2021, she reminded me that, it is the darkness of the night sky, that really makes the stars shine through.

It’s the same when I experience those dark times of waiting on God, in my life too. That is when the faithfulness of God shines through. When I have nothing else to hold onto, He becomes so much more visible. I know my relationship with God is nowhere near what it should be. I know I am not on my knees in prayer and reading my bible the way I should be. But I also know that it is through these times of darkness, of waiting, that my relationship with God is deepened and my dependence is on him, and him alone.

The only conclusion that I could come to, is that anything that forces me entirely on God can only be a good thing. If the choice were mine as to what I would face this year, what would I choose? Would I choose a year of blessing, of joy at answered prayer, where sadly, I would need to confess my reliance on God would not be nearly as great, if it was a year of waiting and hardship, where the only thing getting me through was my deep dependency on God?

Over a year ago, I was telling a friend of mine, how much I was enjoying the song by Shane & Shane, 'I will wait for you'. It's based on Psalm 130, and describes so vividly, how I am waiting for God. She asked me, what it was I was waiting for? I told her that I am waiting on God to answer prayers, waiting on Him to move in various different ways. Today I am still waiting. Still relying on God's promises. But will it be another year of waiting?

"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than watchmen for the morning; indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.

Psalm 130:5-6

Thankfully, I have no idea what 2021 will bring. It might be another year of waiting, and solely relying on God. Perhaps it might be a year of blessing, of answered prayer, and of witnessing God at work. I have had to accept, come what may, I have my faith in God. I have that great promise in the bible to rely on

“I will never leave you. I will never abandon you”

Hebrews 13:5

But what about you? What do you depend on to get you through the hard times? The bible says

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28